I woke up early Sunday morning and saw my Mom off to catch her flight back. She’s been a little sparkle of joy to have around this past week….making coffee and breakfast in the morning, playing infinite games of gin rummy with me, cleaning up after me, making sure I take all my meds, nagging me about little details of my life, giving me long hugs whenever i needed them.
I’ve been mostly off screens/phones/computers these past few days….and it’s been a big calming wave to ride. My newest favorite activities are lounging in sunbeams on long couches….sipping lots of warm things…taking hot showers…staring out the window at all the snow and people bundled up. I apologize in advance if I don’t get back to you within a day or so. Focusing and typing are crushingly exhausting activity.
Time stretches and shrinks….with sudden naps taking me through long, smiling spans of the day while on the other hand, I get occasional astroid showers of pain that shout into my ear and announce every second of time that marches past. For the pain I mix a pretty healthy dose of White Kratom powder in with my morning greens in my juice. I have a CBD vape and these little drops of oil that get you high just by glancing at them and enough edibles & chocolates to last another 5 more vagina surgeries. When the pain gets really bad tho…not gonna lie…nothing beats a Percocet.
It’s really sinking in that I have a vagina. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and laugh out loud with a cackle…..ha! I’ve got a vagina!! I’ll be cooking breakfast and i’ll shout it out and do a little dance around my kitchen. It’s like when you clean out an old, dusty, good-for-nothing closet, shine it up, make it nice and perfect…And now it’s the sparkling gem of your being! Most of my questions, mysteries & unknowns have been unravelling over the past week….most of which are roughly in-line with what I was expecting and some of which are…well…interesting 🙂
Today was by far my worst day, it was tough all the way from eyes open in the morning. I went all the way into manhattan for my Dr. Checkup….but I decided to indulge in a beautiful and sunny walk across central park after I was done….and it turns out I walked & moved around too much. Much too much. An entire painters palette of reds has come out of me today and you could read my fortune in the blood clots i’ve been laying down. I do NOT want be awake right now. I’m also getting tingly skin and sore body….please be anything but sick right now….anything. This is apparently the type of day that makes you really happy about other days 😃
I’m be staying at my apartment in manhattan tonight and will prob be back to 170 Schaefer street tomorrow.
PS – I get a LOT of the same questions from people….which has been making me realize just how many of you have no idea what goes into this surgical procedure….or are confused about transpeople in general. Here’s a few starters…
No they don’t cut it off.
No I didn’t save my testicles in a jar
no i will not send you a picture of my vagina….unless I’ve already sent you a picture of it 🙂
No, this does not officially make me a woman….I already AM a woman.
When talking about me in past tense….no matter last year or 10 years ago….ALWAYS refer to me as She/Her. I put poisonous scorpions in the shoes of people who refer to me as he/him.
No I cannot get pregnant.
No I do not get my period.
Yes, i like chocolate and Ice Cream more….like a lot more….and I don’t know why.