The secretly dull life of a dilator

face pic update

Every time I think dilating can’t get any more boring or uncomfortable….it surprises me. I put it off and procrastinate like a kid who doesn’t want to go to bed yet. The swelling has started to go down a bit so dilating isn’t quite as uncomfortable…which…on the scale of relative comfort….is still about as comfortable as reading a random wikipedia page out loud and backwards….with a thumb up your ass….for 30 minutes. I hope the sex is better.

The heat is broken at my apartment….so when I went back there, the welcome was a bit chilly. But I have a space heater…actually I have 3 space heaters, one of them is some infrared bullshit that just kind of sucks and the other two toss off heat like a barrel-fire. But I live in an old NYC apartment with voodoo electricity so it turns out I can only run one of my space heaters at a time….or I have to play popcorn with the fuse box. So I basically created a little fort on my bed and put my space heater on a stool and made a very small portion of the apartment warm enough to pop up tulips…the rest of it is colder than a witches tit.

Getting up out of my warm and cozy bed fortress to go to the cold bathroom is my version of Sisyphus. After a strategic standing up….I hobble through the crisp, cold air that melts on my skin as I move through it….i’m fast as lighting…slower than an old lady with asthma. Fumbling around, knocking shit over…dealing with the whole complication of clothing, panties, pads…etc….my ass moving in slow-motion toward the seat…and ziiiiiiiinnnnnnnnggggg…..cold porcelain is…sooo…damn…cold! My lordy! I’d give a small fortune for the six-flags picture of my face every time I sit on that cold seat.

Now that my joints are healing more and I can sit comfortably enough on the toilet to actually appreciate the finer nuances of peeing….I’ve noticed a few things. My new device is truly hands free! Gone are the days of continuously eagle-eyeing the exact target of the urine stream and aiming it….AIMING!!….ha! No more fidgeting with my urine stream to ‘clean’ the sides of the bowl or trying to make little whirlpools with it. No more trying to nail that fake fly on the side of the porcelain bowl….no…I simply sit….and pee. It’s so easy sometimes I forget that I’m peeing… mind just wanders off in a little day-dream of sorts…and look at that….still peeing. So easy….hands free…mind free…ahhhh! So fascinated…peeing with a vagina is kind of awesome.

We’re coming up on the point where I don’t feel the need to medicate immediately when I wake up in the morning. To be honest, I’m getting a bit sick of constantly being high….it’s become my normal state of being. So, in order to reboot my tolerance, I decided this morning that I’d try out an hour of sobriety….which lasted 45 minutes. It turns out that just a bit of a joint can have a profound impact on my capacity to handle the simplest activities. Go figure.

More updates coming soon! I enjoy writing them and I hope you enjoy reading them! If you haven’t already, please contribute to my surgery fundraiser! Every bit counts and you’ll get some of my art as a thank you!…/morgan-s-gender-confirmation-s…

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