You Cold Bitch

Some of the things I say every day:

“God, that’s good.” when I take a sip of my first warm, foamy coffee that blends into my tongue like camouflage netting over a tank.

“Good morning Plantalonies!!” i say to my 5 adopted plants when I open up the blinds for them in the morning. They always thank me for the sunshine and they always curse me when I get home at 8am.

“you cold bitch” to my toilet seat.

“you cold bitch” to Trump.

“You’re welcome.” To everyone who will have a lasting vision of Donald Trump’s face portrayed as a toilet seat every time you sit on it.

“This whole world is crumbling into absolute shit” whenever I look at the news. And its true, it’s like the entire world decided they’d do a full, live rendition of Idiocracy together.

“I want to carve your brain out with a dull spoon” TO – EVERY – SINGLE – POLITICIAN (except Bernie).

“There’s only going to be 3 movies coming out in 2018” whenever I see another Hollywood sex scandal.

My thoughts on all things “not vagina” over the past month:

I keep getting a recurring dream of everyone rioting in the street, tearing furniture out of houses and apartments….stringing people up…carnage everywhere…chaos in the style of Gangs Of New York. I can hear everyone yelling out their windows into the rain, “I’m MAD and i’m not gonna take it anymore!” People seem to be losing their screws a bit more….everyone is close to the proverbial ‘edge.’ It sure seems like everything is getting primed. Right now it feels like when the water gets sucked out of the bay right before a tidal wave hits.

From net neutrality passing after 83% Americans were against it….to lopsided tax plans that happen to contain clauses allowing corporations to rape what was previously pristine, beautiful land for oil. To a madman in North Korea determined to blow up at least a few nukes before he dies….to a madman in the united states that recently set the Guinness Book of World Records for “Percentage of Earth That Hates You More Than Monsanto.” The record was previously held by Hitler for many decades.

What the fuck do we do about this shit? What the fuck CAN we do? Call senators with our ‘thoughts and prayers’ so they can turn around and sell us out for some lobbyist cash? Vote? ha!! Write Facebook posts until we’re blue in the face? Share memes and articles that project how we feel? None of it is going to work and every person reading this knows there’s nothing they can actually do about it. The problems are too engrained…..too endemic….and we are each too small with no leverage, no time and no cash to throw at a raging fire.

But we can wish….and we can dream….and maybe….just mayyyybe….some stereo-typical, gun toting’ hill-billy will roll into the white house and blow everyones brains out. Not just Trump’s brains….but Pence’s too….the whole senate….all of congress….the whole fucking house. You know….kind of like this “cleaning out the swamp” thing they keep talking about.

And after a few seconds of mourning….we can start to re-build this fucking mess on a platform of truth and justice and with politicians that actually care about humanity & diversity.

Categories: Rogue Thoughts

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