Another Day In The Life Of…


My new dilation schedule of 3 times daily is turning my days into a lubricated time-vortex. Each session is supposed to take 20-30 minutes…but that’s just the active time with my little friend actually up there doing the dilation work.

It all starts with a bit of motivation…which is getting tougher to find than ray of American sunshine these days.

Laying out my little absorbent mat down on my bed 3 times a day makes me sympathize with small dogs that have to piss indoors on those things instead of the nice outdoor grass.

Also, lubing these colorful gliders up is actually becoming a pretty strategic process.  The bottom seems to de-lube pretty fast so it’s always a game of going in a bit, hanging out….pulling out…re-lubing the bottom of it…trying to gain another inch….bit by bit…inch by inch…hopefully never mile by mile.

After I finally get it all settled…I need to actively ‘apply solid pressure’ for 20-30 minutes…which after about 3 minutes…becomes the comfortability equivalent of getting your prostate check up by Andre The Giant.

When I finally get everything in and the proper pressure applied….I start the countdown timer as well as my acceptance of “Forced Boredom” for the next while. Day dreaming has been a long time specialty of mine and I certainly appreciate the time I get to just sort of….think about things. It’s almost a form of meditation and quite stress relieving. Try it.

It’s also during this time that I accept my complete and utter helplessness. Many a time the mailman, or UPS or FedEx or whoeverthefuck….will happen to ring my buzzer just as I take that first, cold inch of hard plastic.

One time I was waiting for a particularly important package to arrive and when the buzzer started buzzing…and I was on my back…I thought….fuck…I’ve GOT to get it! The dilator popped out like a Thai ping-pong ball and I grabbed both sides of my little absorbent mat and pulled it up between my legs like a diaper. I rolled out of bed and Yosemite Sam’d as fast as I could over to the door….ZIIIIIINNNNNG. Just in time. Phew.

But this delivery guy was more motivated than Tony Robbins and was trying to deliver packages faster than Santa. He bounced up my stairs quicker than I could put clothes on and I ended up grabbing a thin sheet to wrap around me as I stood in the hallway and signed for my package. When I went back inside and saw myself in the mirror…I realized the sheet was a bit see through and it was very obvious I was wearing an absorbent mat as a diaper….and nothing else. Thank god it wasn’t the regular guy.

When I’m done with a dilation session, which is signaled by my cervix (of sorts) complaining loudly & bitterly about how I always pressure her into things, I just have to lay there for a sec and try to let it all settle down…and hopefully ooze out. I need to figure out how and where to purchase medical lubricant in bulk….my usage levels are ridiculous. Then again, having a ballpark-size jug of lube by my bed with an industrial strength hand-pump might send the wrong message. ….or would it?

On the bright side  I’ve also finally figured out how to walk to the bathroom after I dilate without feeling like a giant snail sneezed on my floor.  Progress.

So I do this 3 times a day with each session (start to finish) taking about an hour. It’s pretty much the same thing as going to the gym and working out 3 times a day. Every day. You go, you get ready, you work out, you clean up and then you’re free! For about 4-5 hours. Then you go again. And again. And the next day it all happens again. And again. When was the last time YOU went to the gym?  It’s going to put a lot of things into perspective when I try to get back into shape.

It’ll be like this for another 3-4 months….and after a year, I can start to taper down to dilating once a day. And after a few years, I apparently only have to dilate once every few days.

Men walking past me are all starting to look like different colors of dilators. Hopefully soon (maybe in March) I can start to break up the dilation monotony with a living, breathing dilator….a man. Or men…rather.

And similar to how many women feel….whoever I may be with in the future, I hope you appreciate all the time, dedication and hard work I’ve put into this sweet piece of ass.

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