1 year ago on this day, November 29th, 2017, I went under the knife for a bit of genital origami that turned my bits and pieces into a full fledged vagina. It was something I had been secretly looking forward to most of my life and it was also one of the scariest (and best) decisions I’ve ever made.
Without getting too much into it, the past year was fraught with acute pain, mental and physical frustration, severe emotional fluctuations, financial strife and an unbelievable transformation that has finally made me whole as a person. Suffice to say, the journey was long and arduous but very….fruitful 🙂
The purpose of this post isn’t necessarily to relive that pain and craziness, but to offer insight to everyone I know (and anyone they know) about a process that is usually kept so deep under the covers that even the world’s most active imaginations have fallen shy of its reality. Some of the smartest people I know have such dismal thoughts in their head about what this surgery has ‘done’ to me and what the resulting vagina might look like….etc. So….true to my unabashed nature of honest sharing and for the sake of eliminating ignorance and promoting the cold, hard truth….I present to you photos, videos and a few captions that give a completely uncensored view into what so many of my friends (myself included) have affectionately dubbed….The Puss.
I dilate every day, twice a day…..which at this point…has become an embedded part of my life. I took a picture of The Puss every day before I dilated for about 9 months and I decided to roll (most of) these photos into a time lapse video set to the soundtrack of the Lone Ranger. It’s a 3 minute, gnarly, beautiful, disgusting and mind-blowing video that I guarantee you’ve never seen before and you’ll probably never see again. I apologize in advance for the gruesomeness and rogue fluids. Don’t forget to turn up the volume 😁
I was in the hospital for about 6 days. My surgeon Dr. Ting has pioneered this suction method/device that I wore for the first week or so that basically reduced the swelling and inflammation and thereby greatly reducing the recovery time.
The initial recovery (first month) was intense and I needed constant help to pretty much do anything. My mom came out to NYC for the first 10 days and took care of me and my good friend Ben let us stay in one of his ground floor apartments for a month so I wouldn’t have to deal with stairs. I was mostly horizontal during this time and was so thankful for all my friends that came by, took care of me, gave me support and brought me little treats to make me feel better.
Dilating every day, twice a day is as critical to forming a healthy, functioning Puss as insulin is to a diabetic. If you stop dilating, The Puss closes up and once it closes, it’s not able to be re-opened. You start small (purple) and over the months you increase the size of the dilator to increase the stretchable width and depth of The Puss. I’m on the last one of the four sizes now (orange) and will need to maintain my twice-a-day dilation for the next year at that size. Then I can reduce it to once a day, then once every few days then in a few years, I’ll be dilating once a week. Dilating is INFINITELY EASIER now that it’s healed a bit….in the beginning, dilating on what was basically an open wound was the kind of a nightmare that would scare Tim Burton.
This shot is about 1 month after the surgery and it looks like something you would NEVER want between your legs lol. Needless to say, it now looks one hell of a lot better (a year later). But let me tell you….when they did the big reveal and took off the suction device, gauze and stent….and showed me The Puss for the first time….my brain flickered like AC electricity between elation and horror.
I would be remiss to note that The Puss grew what is dubbed a “Skin Bridge” as it was healing and I had to have a revision on March 21st, 2018 to sort it out. The revision was basically slicing the skin bridge straight down the center. See the pics below as words don’t do it justice.
The post revision recovery was disgusting, challenging to deal with, immensely painful and quite unnerving….ultimately a solid test of my resolve. The Puss got infected and was probably the worst month of my life. I truly am sorry for the pic below….but this story is incomplete without it.
Fast forward to a photo of The Puss in present day and it’s kind of mind blowing!! Look at The Puss….all grown up!! I still have a few minor issues here and there and some stranger, more obscure challenges that aren’t worth going into. Sex is reasonably pleasurable although losing my virginity was about as special as your 500th kiss and about as painful and uncomfortable as your first trip to the dentist. Orgasms continue to blow my mind in both intensity and duration. My hormonal balance just recently escaped out of the insane asylum and my sex drive is an enigma that can be found randomly and occasionally on the open roads.
I take my days slowly, get my little ‘chores’ done and live my life making skincare and art. Overall, I think I’m one the happiest ladies in New York City!!
And here is a final pic for all the boys that are wondering how it all fits together. At the top is my clit (extremely sensitive) and the little flap of skin called the hood that covers it. Immediately below the clit is a tiny hole that I pee out of. Below that is the opening to my vaginal canal (yes boys, your favorite part). On the outside I’m pulling my inner and outer (minor/major) labia apart which are insanely unique to each and every woman. The Puss has also developed its own set of micro-flora on the inner lining of the vaginal canal and has its own scent. Every woman’s vagina is unique in shape, size, depth, smell and ‘lips’ and I strongly recommend embracing your (or your partner’s) vagina “AS IS” without ever trying to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ it. It is the differences that make it unique and that should be celebrated not condemned. I am the luckiest lady in the world to have my own unique vagina and can’t wait to continue living my life with it in full! I really appreciate everyones love and support, it’s made a world of difference!
Morgan & The Puss
Feel free to pass this link around to anyone you think would benefit or learn from anything in it.